As you know, every short story is made up of individual scenes that are woven together to make the larger story.
Scenes:
When you write a scene, it is easy to become so caught up in the dialogue that you fail to remember all the other components included in a scene - the things that keep the readers grounded and clear about what's happening.
Below is an example of a student's first attempt at writing a scene:
"I was so embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. "Umm..."
"Just apologized," she said.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"You're forgiven. Let's go get a slice," she said.
We can agree that we can see some of the characters' thoughts and feelings but we can revise this scene by adding more thoughts and feelings, as well as by adding action, setting, and more specific dialogue tags.
Here is how this student author revises the initial draft from above:
I was so embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. "Ummm..." I kicked a pile of leaves that had gathered at the base of one of the trees on Bergen Street. My face felt like it was so hot it would melt.
A breeze whooshed and leaves danced not he sidewalk. "Just apologize," she hissed. She pulled her collar tiger and buttoned the top button. I snuck a glance at her face. She was biting her bottom lip. I knew it was hard for her to ask for an apology.
An acorn fell of a tree and ricocheted off a car parked not he corner. The smell of tomato sauce and garlic wafted in the cool, late October air. My stomach growled. I snuck another peek at her and not she was stomping every leaf on the sidewalk, moving intentionally to them and then crushing them under her boots as she walked.
My heart pounded. What if I apologized and she didn't forgive me? What if I didn't and she never spoke to me again? "I'm sorry," I breathed.
She turned her head and smiled. "You're forgiven. Let's go get a clive, " she said. She pointed to the pizza shop, two doors down. I raced ahead, stomach still growling, so I could hold the door.
When the students author added setting and actions to revise, he discovered important new interactions and meanings to his story, adding interest to the scene and allowing readers to be in the moment with the characters
Creative Writing Activity #2
Let's practice by revising this scene, the first half of which is grounded in setting, action, and thoughts and feelings, while the second half of the scene needs to revision. Read parts 1 and 2. Then, with a partner, revise Part 2.
Part 1
"So Esme," Maria interrupted. She was looking at me, calling me a much cooler version of my name than I was used to.
I couldn't help myself; I smiled. She had given me a cool nickname. It was almost like we were friends. My eyes left the spot on the carpet I had been starting at and looked at Maria. "Yeah?" I said, in what I hoped was my coolest voice.
Maria leaned forward not he beanbag chair, her perfectly painted fingernails planted on her knees. "You know Tilly better than anyone in this room; why does she dress like that?"
Part 2
"I mean, she never looks good," Maria said.
"Worse that that," Liz jumped in. "She looks like she doesn't even care."
I wasn't sure what to say. "Uh....well..."
"I mean, look at you - look at us. We clearly care. We look good," Liz continued.
"I know. You completely look like you should be hanging out with us, not with Tilly."
Scenes:
- Are small moments, or mini-stories
- Include a clear setting that is intertwined throughout the moment
- Have characters who are thinking, talking, acting, or perhaps doing all of those things
- Contain a character motivation and obstacle of some sort
When you write a scene, it is easy to become so caught up in the dialogue that you fail to remember all the other components included in a scene - the things that keep the readers grounded and clear about what's happening.
Below is an example of a student's first attempt at writing a scene:
"I was so embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. "Umm..."
"Just apologized," she said.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"You're forgiven. Let's go get a slice," she said.
We can agree that we can see some of the characters' thoughts and feelings but we can revise this scene by adding more thoughts and feelings, as well as by adding action, setting, and more specific dialogue tags.
Here is how this student author revises the initial draft from above:
I was so embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. "Ummm..." I kicked a pile of leaves that had gathered at the base of one of the trees on Bergen Street. My face felt like it was so hot it would melt.
A breeze whooshed and leaves danced not he sidewalk. "Just apologize," she hissed. She pulled her collar tiger and buttoned the top button. I snuck a glance at her face. She was biting her bottom lip. I knew it was hard for her to ask for an apology.
An acorn fell of a tree and ricocheted off a car parked not he corner. The smell of tomato sauce and garlic wafted in the cool, late October air. My stomach growled. I snuck another peek at her and not she was stomping every leaf on the sidewalk, moving intentionally to them and then crushing them under her boots as she walked.
My heart pounded. What if I apologized and she didn't forgive me? What if I didn't and she never spoke to me again? "I'm sorry," I breathed.
She turned her head and smiled. "You're forgiven. Let's go get a clive, " she said. She pointed to the pizza shop, two doors down. I raced ahead, stomach still growling, so I could hold the door.
When the students author added setting and actions to revise, he discovered important new interactions and meanings to his story, adding interest to the scene and allowing readers to be in the moment with the characters
Creative Writing Activity #2
Let's practice by revising this scene, the first half of which is grounded in setting, action, and thoughts and feelings, while the second half of the scene needs to revision. Read parts 1 and 2. Then, with a partner, revise Part 2.
Part 1
"So Esme," Maria interrupted. She was looking at me, calling me a much cooler version of my name than I was used to.
I couldn't help myself; I smiled. She had given me a cool nickname. It was almost like we were friends. My eyes left the spot on the carpet I had been starting at and looked at Maria. "Yeah?" I said, in what I hoped was my coolest voice.
Maria leaned forward not he beanbag chair, her perfectly painted fingernails planted on her knees. "You know Tilly better than anyone in this room; why does she dress like that?"
Part 2
"I mean, she never looks good," Maria said.
"Worse that that," Liz jumped in. "She looks like she doesn't even care."
I wasn't sure what to say. "Uh....well..."
"I mean, look at you - look at us. We clearly care. We look good," Liz continued.
"I know. You completely look like you should be hanging out with us, not with Tilly."